Prom Dresses Gone Wrong (Jeff HS Edition)

The ground is thawed, snow is melted, flowers are blooming, so that can only mean one thing... High School Prom season! Get ready for adventures to Walmart in rented limos, "fancy" meals at Olive Garden and renting ugly light blue tuxedos because it shows you're a non-conformist. My first installation will feature the fine young ladies and gentleman from Jefferson High School in Lafayette, Indiana.

Starting off on a positive note, the beautiful vision in pink in the center of this photo is none other than the daughter of my good friend Cassidy. I included this image as a benchmark of how to do prom RIGHT. Notice the lack of 5" stripper heals, bare midriff, or inappropriate up-do featuring 800 bobby pins and three cans of hairspray. Her outfit is age-appropriate and flattering for her. One thing I don't get is this new tradition of a grand march through the high school gym, joined arm and arm parading for the parents enjoyment. If you ask me, they all look a little uncomfortable.

Before I get into all the fashion mistakes at Prom, I'll include one more example on how to do Prom right. Gorgeous color gown for this girl; make-up doesn't make her look like a clown; jewelry is gorgeous; date has color coordinating tie. They just look damn good together. I'll be rooting for these two kids to remain a couple and have a long and fashionable life together.



Now... moving on to what NOT to wear...




These kids are trying really hard to look cool, but I have two main issues with this foursome. First issue: SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT. INSIDE. Maybe the bright flash of the paparazzi was bothering your eyes, but seriously, you just look like a fool with those glasses on. Second issue: the girl on the right looks nice, but that bow needs to go!! I guess it's a plus that it's not placed on her backside, though. Or maybe there's one there, too, that we can't see...

Next, we have the girl on the left wearing ruffles that remind me of the Enchantment Under The Sea Dance from Back to the Future. Honey, ruffles were from the 50s. Time to wear something that doesn't make you look old and shorter than you already are. Although, seeing your vertically challenged date, maybe looking short was a good thing in this case.





First off, looks like these kids didn't get the memo the the order should go girl-boy-girl-boy so you don't have two guys in the middle interlocking arms and escorting each other. Second, gray suit guy looks a bit silly. And third, what's with the girl on the right showing a tiny slit of her tummy? I've never seen a dress like that, and I hope to never again.





To the girl in the blue and green dress: What is up with that odd shoulder strap? It looks so out of place. If I saw you out in public, I would walk up to you with scissors and cut it right off. That strap has absolutely no purpose other than to annoy those around you as they sit there and
stare at it, wondering "why is that strap there?"






Ah, yes. It's not high school Prom unless you have at least one or two pregnant teenagers there. Girl on the far left looks nice showing off her baby bump. But what makes me most disgusted is that she is escorted by another girl! Where the hell is her baby daddy? Sorry sweetie, looks like you have a future deadbeat dad on your hands.






To the princess on the far left who brought her own crown to Prom: Sorry sweetie, you're no royalty, especially with your too-short dress and slutty garter showing. My guess is that in about eight months, you'll look similar to the girl in blue in the picture above, if your date got his wish last night.






The happy couple in purple are completely working the runway in this photo. Just look at the facial expressions - fierce! My only complaint - no boutonnieres? The least you could do for each other is buy a few cheap flowers for your date! Just because you're gay doesn't mean you're exempt from basic prom etiquette.






Last, but not least, here is the infamous light blue tuxedo that makes an appearance at every Prom across the great state of Indiana. But the blue tux isn't the only issue with this photo. I don't care how "cool" you may think you look, but it's never okay to wear a hat to Prom. Especially when it's a Yankees hat.


Thanks Jeff High School for the great arsenal of bad fashion for 2010 -McCutcheon and Harrison, I'm coming after you next!