Indiana Urban Legend #1: Stiffy Green

I plan on periodically posting a series on this blog of Indiana Urban Legends, because we definitely have our fair share of them in the Hoosier state! My first feature is on the mysterious Stiffy Green, located in Terre Haute, Indiana.

When John G. Heinl died in 1921, the legend of Stiffy Green was born. Stiffy was a loyal pet bulldog that refused to leave the side of his master, even in death. When John died, Stiffy could always be found at the steps of the mausoleum watching over his master's remains. Stiffy would not eat, drink or sleep, keeping a watchful eye over John. Eventually, Stiffy was found dead at the mausoleum from starvation and dehydration.

The family decided to have Stiffy stuffed with green glass eyes (thus earning hin the nickname "Stiffy Green") and put in the mausoleum so that he could be close to his lifelong companion. At night, the local kids would sneak into the cemetery to listen to the sounds of barking and shine flashlights through the glass doors to see the green glow of Stiffy's eyes staring back at them. Many people to this day insist that you can still hear barking on certain nights and sometimes see a man and his dog walking amongst the tombstones.

Last month, I took a road trip to visit Mr. Heinl and Mr. Green and see if the legend was true. Unfortunately, due to vandalism in the 1980s (gunshot would to the eye), the statue was removed by the local Lions Club as a public service and placed with care in the Vigo County Historical Society in 1998, where you can go and visit him today in a replica mausoleum.

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

Do not continue to read unless you want to be sorely disappointed. After reading, it might evoke the same feelings you got when you first found out that Santa Claus wasn't real and the Tooth Fairy is just your Mom.

Turns out that after a little research, I found out that Stiffy Green was never even a real dog! He was just a statue that adorned the front porch of Mr. Heinl's home; a personal favorite of his. So after he died, the statue was placed in his mausoleum. What a bummer... but it's still worth a visit.

Statue of Stiffy Green the Bulldog
Address: 1411 South 6th Street, Terre Haute, IN
Directions: In the Vigo County Historical Society
Hours: Tu-Su 1-4 pm, closed Monday and major holidays

Stiffy Green/John Heinl Mausoleum
Address: 4420 East Wabash Avenue, Terre Haute, IN
Directions: Highland Lawn Cemetery - after you enter the main gate, stick to the far left-hand side of the cemetery and eventually you'll run across it

Boobquake 2010 Rocks Indiana

If you've been living under a rock for the past 24 hours, let me enlighten you with a little story about a Hoosier girl doing right in the world.

A week ago, you may recall seeing this quote in the news: "Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes." This was quoted from Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, a prayer leader from Iran on Friday, April 16th.

So what does any normal science geek do to respond to the horrifically sexist comment? Create BOOBQUAKE, of course!

Jen McCreight, a self-described liberal, geeky, nerdy, scientific, perverted atheist feminist trapped in Indiana (who also happens to be a Purdue student), decided to create this event, calling for all women to wear their lowest cut shirts on April 26th to gather scientific evidence on whether or not dressing slutty had a direct effect on the frequency of earthquakes.

What were the results, you ask? There was a 6.5 magnitude earthquake in Taiwan! Oh, the horror! Must be a direct result from the all the jugs being shaken from coast to coast in protest.

But not so fast...

Turns out that in comparison to the average number of earthquakes in the world each day, yesterday was a pretty quiet day. In the chart below (borrowed from Ms. McCreight's blog), you can see that the red square represents the number of earthquakes occurring on Boobquake 2010, which is relatively average in the scheme of things.

Thanks to Boobquake, we not only stood up for women's rights by baring our cleavage, but also learned a bit about plate tectonics, too. Thanks, Jen! Oh - and don't forget to buy your t-shirt!

Proving That There's More Than Corn in Indiana

This is the announcement you've all been waiting for... Indiana Beach, located on beautiful Lake Shafer is officially open for the season this weekend on May 1st.

That's right, folks. Time to put on your Sunday best (your clean wolf t-shirt, Dale Earnhardt, Jr. hat and shredded up jorts) and head over to your favorite Indiana amusement park. Well, favorite one located in Monticello, at least. And there's some exciting news for you tried and true Hoosiers out there - they are even now offering for the first time ever Season Passes! For the low price of $99.95, you can have unlimited use of their rides and water park all season long. But I think I'll skip on the rides and just enjoy the free admission.

There's nothing better on a hot summer day to sit and watch the crowd at Indiana Beach. It's as if you've gone back in time to 1989. Well, everyone else has except for you. The colors of neon fanny packs rival the brightness of the hot July sun. Sounds of Guns N' Roses "Welcome to the Jungle" blast on the Himalaya ride as middle aged men scream, "Faster!" And the smells of popcorn-eating 20 lb. carp and funnel cake fill the air.

What I love best, besides the 2-for-1 deal you can get on matching his/hers airbrushed t-shirts, is the fact that the "beach" in "Indiana Beach" isn't even real! It's just poured concrete with some sand dumped on top of it. It's as if to remind people in Indiana that they're not a fancy, ocean side resort. We're just sand on hard concrete, just the way you like it.

If any of you venture over to Indiana Beach this summer, send me pictures of some of the fine specimen of Hoosiers you find there and I'll post them up on this blog for all to enjoy. Kind of like our very own People of Walmart!

Prom Dresses Gone Wrong (Jeff HS Edition)

The ground is thawed, snow is melted, flowers are blooming, so that can only mean one thing... High School Prom season! Get ready for adventures to Walmart in rented limos, "fancy" meals at Olive Garden and renting ugly light blue tuxedos because it shows you're a non-conformist. My first installation will feature the fine young ladies and gentleman from Jefferson High School in Lafayette, Indiana.

Starting off on a positive note, the beautiful vision in pink in the center of this photo is none other than the daughter of my good friend Cassidy. I included this image as a benchmark of how to do prom RIGHT. Notice the lack of 5" stripper heals, bare midriff, or inappropriate up-do featuring 800 bobby pins and three cans of hairspray. Her outfit is age-appropriate and flattering for her. One thing I don't get is this new tradition of a grand march through the high school gym, joined arm and arm parading for the parents enjoyment. If you ask me, they all look a little uncomfortable.

Before I get into all the fashion mistakes at Prom, I'll include one more example on how to do Prom right. Gorgeous color gown for this girl; make-up doesn't make her look like a clown; jewelry is gorgeous; date has color coordinating tie. They just look damn good together. I'll be rooting for these two kids to remain a couple and have a long and fashionable life together.



Now... moving on to what NOT to wear...




These kids are trying really hard to look cool, but I have two main issues with this foursome. First issue: SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT. INSIDE. Maybe the bright flash of the paparazzi was bothering your eyes, but seriously, you just look like a fool with those glasses on. Second issue: the girl on the right looks nice, but that bow needs to go!! I guess it's a plus that it's not placed on her backside, though. Or maybe there's one there, too, that we can't see...

Next, we have the girl on the left wearing ruffles that remind me of the Enchantment Under The Sea Dance from Back to the Future. Honey, ruffles were from the 50s. Time to wear something that doesn't make you look old and shorter than you already are. Although, seeing your vertically challenged date, maybe looking short was a good thing in this case.





First off, looks like these kids didn't get the memo the the order should go girl-boy-girl-boy so you don't have two guys in the middle interlocking arms and escorting each other. Second, gray suit guy looks a bit silly. And third, what's with the girl on the right showing a tiny slit of her tummy? I've never seen a dress like that, and I hope to never again.





To the girl in the blue and green dress: What is up with that odd shoulder strap? It looks so out of place. If I saw you out in public, I would walk up to you with scissors and cut it right off. That strap has absolutely no purpose other than to annoy those around you as they sit there and
stare at it, wondering "why is that strap there?"






Ah, yes. It's not high school Prom unless you have at least one or two pregnant teenagers there. Girl on the far left looks nice showing off her baby bump. But what makes me most disgusted is that she is escorted by another girl! Where the hell is her baby daddy? Sorry sweetie, looks like you have a future deadbeat dad on your hands.






To the princess on the far left who brought her own crown to Prom: Sorry sweetie, you're no royalty, especially with your too-short dress and slutty garter showing. My guess is that in about eight months, you'll look similar to the girl in blue in the picture above, if your date got his wish last night.






The happy couple in purple are completely working the runway in this photo. Just look at the facial expressions - fierce! My only complaint - no boutonnieres? The least you could do for each other is buy a few cheap flowers for your date! Just because you're gay doesn't mean you're exempt from basic prom etiquette.






Last, but not least, here is the infamous light blue tuxedo that makes an appearance at every Prom across the great state of Indiana. But the blue tux isn't the only issue with this photo. I don't care how "cool" you may think you look, but it's never okay to wear a hat to Prom. Especially when it's a Yankees hat.


Thanks Jeff High School for the great arsenal of bad fashion for 2010 -McCutcheon and Harrison, I'm coming after you next!